doing better
I'm doing better this year. I decided not to ruminate anymore and I eventually just stopped. I grind Duolingo every day for 150 days now and I'm so much more confident in speaking Portuguese. I do things that I priorly thought of as not being worthy enough for: I got a gym subscription, I cook dinner with lots of veggies, I go on trips with friends. I buy clothes that flatter me. I make little projects and publish them on GitHub. I read books that are too difficult for me. I go out with my Nikon and take pictures of the beach.
Some people, like me, grow up feeling like life is not for them and it'll never get better. This continues for years and years and years. But I'm starting to feel like I have a place in this world. Life is light and I'm not letting it go.